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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

FARTING IS NOT SO BAD AT ALL..



TILT U R HEAD AND READ (IN HINDI)

IF U R READING THIS

LEFT BRAIN OR RIGHT BRAIN

Saturday, June 5, 2010

CID meets 3 Idiots- Very Funny Must read

New Ending to 3 IDIOTS :

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)

Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student NE aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. Lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!

ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...Dr. Salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum Dr. Salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega

(after playin with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! Yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi NE batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...AB kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

(virus is brought to the bureau)

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...Maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???

Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad AA gaya...Bata ta hu...sab Bata ta hu !

Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir.. daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!


Virus: uss raat sab logo NE gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...Maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. Aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...


ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... tum hamare saath co-operate karo

(virus leaves)


ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi NE CID ko bulaya hi nahin??


Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!


ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me AA gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?


ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!


Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEE ECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks. ..tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)


Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla Lena chahta tha !!


ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! AB yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun AA rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab Le jao !


Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur NE hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)


ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??


Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!


Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi


Chatur : (over-acting) ...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai

(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)


Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Never, Never, Never Be Late....

 A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelery to buy a gun. I was appalled.

But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late....

I want toilet paper

Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths’s (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.

He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.



Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids.

He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week Banta comes to Woolworth’s with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: “What the….! This is shit ! you…!” and Banta calmly replies: “Yes, and I want toilet paper”
   

BOYS vs GIRLS (budget)

ARE YOU A FOOD FREAK.. THEN U MUST REALLY CHECK THIS OUT


(CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

best wedding card u will ever see in u r life









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VERY IMPORTANT TO HAVE FRIENDS IN LIFE





































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DEDICATED TO ALL MY FRIENDS

WEATHER FORECAST

THIS IS NEW TECHNIC OF WEATHER FORECAST
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MATCH U R ZODIAC HERE


(click on image to enlarge)

SHARE MARKET AT A GLANCE



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TVS NANO




AFTER THE VERY SUCESS OF NANO CAR, TVS ALSO USING SAME TECHNIC IN THEIR AUTOS





























MENTOS LIFE (SPLY FOR MY IT FRIENDS)

ORIDNARY LIFE










THIS IS MENTOS LIFE


Friday, June 4, 2010

MAGIC OF TEARS

MAGIC OF TEARS
IT IS A REAL PHYSCOLOGICAL REPORT 

Thursday, June 3, 2010

TRUE LINES OF A LOVER

THIS IS FOR SOME ONE WHOM I TRULY LOVED AND SHE IS GETTING MARRIED:

AAJ DULHAN KE LAL JODE ME USE USKI SAKHION NE SAJAYA HOGA..
MERI JAAAN KE GORE HATHON KO MEHENDI SE SAJAYA HOGA..
BAHUT GEHRA CHADA HOGA MEHENDI KA RAND US MEHENDI ME USNE MERA NAAM CHUPAYA HOGA..
RO RO PADI HOGI JAB  JAB USKO MERA KHAYAL AAYA HOGA..
KHUDKO DEKHA HOGA JAB AAINE ME THO AKS MERA B NAZAR AAYA HOGA..
LAG RAHO BAHUT SUNDAR WO AAJ.. DEKHKAR USKO CHAND B SHARMAYA HOGA..
AAJ MERI JAAN NE APNE MAA BAAP KI IJAT KO BACHAYA HOGA..
USNE BETI HONE KA HAR FARJ NIBHAYA HOGA..
MAJBUR HOGI WO SABSE ZYADA SOCHTA HU KIS TARAH USNE KHUD KO SAMJAYA HOGA..
BHUKI HOGI WO JANTA HU MEIN, MERE BINA USNE KUCH NAHI KHAYA HOGA..
KAISE SAMBHALA HOGA PAR SOCHTA HU KYA IN SAB K BEECH MERE DIL KA EK BAAR B KHAYAL AAYA HOGA...


TRULY THIS IS FOR U :-)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

world according to USA

results of global warming...





just see yourself to believe it...this will happen in future.. if we dont plant trees

2010 calender

gabbar singh orkut profile

worlds toughest question paper...

team work brings results

kala akshar bains barabar

road to successs

contagious smile

SMILING IS LIKE A FLU,
TODAY I SAW SOME ONE SMILING,
I TOO STARTED SMILING.




KEEP SMILING KEEP HAPPY.

Food as Medicine


HEADACHE? EAT FISH! 
Eat plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent headaches.. 
So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain. 

HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT! 
Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season. 
Also-eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA! 
Prevent build-up of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea. (actually, tea suppresses appetite and keeps the pounds from invading....Green tea is great for our immune system)! 

INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY! 
Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative. 

ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!! 
Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (onion packs place on chest helped the respiratory ailments and actually made breathing better).

ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!! 
Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (fish has omega oils, good for our immune system) 
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!! 
Bananas will settle an upset stomach. 
Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.. 

BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!! 
High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria. 

BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!! 
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple. 

MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS! 
Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc. 

COLDS? EAT GARLIC! 
Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
 
   
BREAST CANCER? EAT Wheat, bran and cabbage 
Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels. 

LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGIES!!! 
A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables. 

ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!! 
Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers. 

DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES! 
Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)

CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO! 
Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol. 

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!! 
Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. 
Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too. 

BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!! 
The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar. 

Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fibre. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange. 

Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.. 

Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young...........blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)

Orange : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.. 

Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system.. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients 
Found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn UV rays)


Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fibre which helps prevent constipation. 

Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (also good for gas and indigestion) 

Tomatoes are very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostrate problems from invading their bodies......GOOD AS MEDICINE..

dont drink and drive (best post of my blog)

i dint drink, mom - nice one read n forward it 
I went to a party Mom,

I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom,

So I drank soda instead.



I really felt proud inside, Mom,

The way you said I would.

I didn't drink and drive, Mom,

Even though the others said I should.



I know I did the right thing, Mom,

I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending, Mom,

As everyone is driving out of sight.



As I got into my car, Mom,

I knew I'd get home in one piece.

Because of the way you raised me,

So responsible and sweet.



I started to drive away, Mom,

But as I pulled out into the road,

The other car didn't see me, Mom,

And hit me like a load.



As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,

I hear the policeman say,

"The other guy is drunk," Mom,

And now I'm the one who will pay.



I'm lying here dying, Mom....

I wish you'd get here soon.

How could this happen to me, Mom?

My life just burst like a balloon.



There is blood all around me, Mom,

And most of it is mine.

I hear the medic say, Mom,

I'll die in a short time..



I just wanted to tell you, Mom,

I swear I didn't drink.

It was the others, Mom.

The others didn't think.



He was probably at the same party as I.

The only difference is, he drank

And I will die.



Why do people drink, Mom?

It can ruin your whole life.

I'm feeling sharp pains now.

Pains just like a knife.



The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,

And I don't think it's fair.

I'm lying here dying

And all he can do is stare.



Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.

Tell Daddy to be brave.

And when I go to heaven, Mom,

Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.



Someone should have told him, Mom,

Not to drink and drive.

If only they had told him, Mom,

I would still be alive.



My breath is getting shorter, Mom.

I'm becoming very scared.

Please don't cry for me, Mom.

When I needed you, you were always there.



I have one last question, Mom.

Before I say good bye.

I didn't drink and drive,

So why am I the one to die?

try if u can answer this correctly

99.95% challenge that u will have a wrong answer 
Please read the following passage carefully.It is a 99.95% challenge that u will have a wrong answer to the question asked in the passage.

Once there was loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area. They decided to get down at some place. After the couple got down at some place the bus moved on. As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and crushed the bus to crumbs. Everybody on board was killed.

The couple upon seeing that, said, “We wish we were on that bus” Why do u think they said that?
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——————- Answer !!!! ——————-
If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down, the resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have
fallen after the bus had passed ..!!!