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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Life's Little Instruction Book


 
Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.

If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

Keep secrets.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the
difference.

Whistle.

Avoid sarcastic remarks.

Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90
per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

When playing games with ! children, let them win.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Be romantic.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as
important as it first seems.

Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments.
It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross
the same river.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the
things you didn't do more than the one's you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to
acknowledge those who helped you.

Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only
stay a few minutes.

Begin each day with some of your favorite music.

Once in a while, take the scenic route.

Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'

Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.

Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table.
Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.

Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how
trivial their job.

Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind
you.

Become someone's hero.

Marry only for love.

Count your blessings.

Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.

Wave at the children on a school bus.

Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your
ability to deal with people.

Don't expect life to be fair.

Got any Tobacco?



There was a beer party going on in the woods when all of a sudden there was a
downpour of rain. These two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring
rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the
car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still
drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared on the passenger side and tapped
lightly on the window. The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my
window!!! There's an
old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?)"

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open the window a little
and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his
wits, "What do you want???"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and
yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing
again, and the passenger says, "Dude! what do
you think of that?"

The driver says, "Man, I don't know? How could that be? I'm going pretty
fast?"

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is
the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaauggggg, there he is again!” the passenger
yells."

"Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window
then yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to
forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden, again there is
MORE knocking!

"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU
WANT?" in stark fear.

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of this mud?"

FOR ALL MY COLLEGE FRIENDZ I DEDICATE U THIS

4 years of engineering....true
"Don't code today what you can't debug tomorrow"

1. On being Late:

"Kab shuru hui class?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha isne"

"Ek page de na.......... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse
likhunga......."

" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"

"wo bhi iss class ke liye "





2. During the lecture:

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is

........huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."

"Saala apne aapko Newtonsamajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko maar goli..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"

"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."

"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"



3. Lab:

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"last time tu aaya the kya?""

"Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya.......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata
hai...."





4. Sessionals Test:

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya
hoga...."

"Oye Sushil kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen
chalega..." SAHI !!





5. For attendance

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya"

"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........"

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saaletera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."



6. Late submission of assignments:

" Maineus ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein
submit kar dena"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"

"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai "



7 . After exam:

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."

"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya..........fail pakka......."

"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"



8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee.......Akash.....terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak
preparation nahi hui hai"



“Abey external ke saath hansi mazaak karo… wok hush ho jayega”


9 . Submission:

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"





10 .Copying Assignments
(The best one)
:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"


"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal" [IMAGE]

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........"

"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........"



12. Exam:

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh NAHI aata hai" [IMAGE]..VERY VERY TRUE !!

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"

"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE

"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!



This one is dedicated to all my friends:


"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai."

Year : 2050




Place : IBM , USA
(Two Americans Talking)

Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100

Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?

John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.

Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.

John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.

Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?

John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM .

Alex: Really? In India , it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA

John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.

Alex: So, when are you leaving?

John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.

Alex: How long are you going to stay in India .

John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India , my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta .. (green card)

Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India .

John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.

Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad , Bangalore and Mumbai.

John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.

Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?

John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 2000/- for a single room accommodation.

Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! What about in Bangalore, Mumbai?

John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of software

Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.

John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2 ,00,000/- but has got a lovely design.

Alex: By the way, who is your client?

John: Subbarao and Apparao Associates, a pure Indian company, specialising in Embedded Software.

Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India . Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench.

My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most liveable place in India , probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system.

John: Yeah man!, you are right. I hope our Americaalso follows their footsteps.

Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?

John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York . At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent per cent score in TOHIL I.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.

Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.

John: Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, Shah Rukh Khan and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood.

Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas.

John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at aSiliconValleyand has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Bangalore . Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.

Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys.

John: He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.

Alex: OK, Good Luck John.

John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama" because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say " Namaste, aap kaise hai " to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.



GOD ALWAYS GIVES OPPURTUNITY!!

Come with me to a third grade classroom..... 

There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet.

He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it..

When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself,

"Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out.

All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz! "

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Real feeling of Girls .......!!


1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship' s over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt. 6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.....

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25..... A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.


THIS TOPIC IS FOR A NEW FRIEND OF MINE. WHO IS UPSET FROM PAST FEW DAYS. HOPE THIS THREAD MAKES HER HAPPY. 

The mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee


 

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'
Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life
.The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.The sand is everything else --The small stuff.'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'



DUMB MORTICAN(REALLY FUNNY MUST READ)



A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.

She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake.

To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing.

You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So, I just switched the heads.'

CLEVER DOG !!!(HINDI)



Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya. Tabhi usane dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamne kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek sookhi hadii ko choosne laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!"

Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher soch mein pad gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kar bhago!"





Aur sher wahan se jaan bachaa ke bhaaga.





Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko saari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usse zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega.. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gayaki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher ne zor se kaha, "chal mere saath abhi uski khel khatam karta hoon" aur Bandar ko apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka.


Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG...


Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek baar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya, saala ek sher phasaa kar nahi la sakta!"

~Top 10 Sleeping Myths~


 
Myth 1: Sleep is a time when your body and brain shut down for rest and relaxation

No evidence shows that any major organ (including the brain) or regulatory system in the body shuts down during sleep. Some physiological processes actually become more active while you sleep. For example, secretion of certain hormones is boosted, and activity of the pathways in the brain needed for learning and memory is heightened. To sleep better you must get rid of many sleep myths including this one and only accept the sleeping facts!



Myth 2: Getting just 1 hour less sleep per night than needed will not have any effect on your daytime functioning

This lack of sleep may not make you noticeably sleepy during the day. But even slightly less sleep can affect your ability to think properly and respond quickly, and it can compromise your cardiovascular health and energy balance as well as the ability to fight infections, particularly if lack of sleep continues. If you consistently do not get enough sleep, eventually a sleep debt builds up that will make you excessively tired during the day.



Myth 3: Your body adjusts quickly to different sleep schedules

Your biological clock makes you most alert during the daytime and most drowsy at night. Thus, even if you work the night shift, you will naturally feel sleepy when night time comes. Most people can reset their biological clock, but only by appropriately timed cues—and even then, by 1–2 hours per day at best. Consequently, it can take more than a week to adjust to a dramatically altered sleep/wake cycle, such as you encounter when travelling across several time zones or switching from working the day shift to the night shift.



Myth 4: People need less sleep as they get older

Older people don’t need less sleep, but they often get less sleep or find their sleep less refreshing. That’s because as people age, they spend less time in the deep, restful stages of sleep and are more easily awakened. Older people are also more likely to have insomnia or other medical conditions that disrupt their sleep.



Myth 5: Extra sleep at night can cure you of problems with excessive daytime fatigue

Not only is the quantity of sleep important but also the quality of sleep. Some people sleep 8 or 9 hours a night but don’t feel well rested when they wake up because the quality of their sleep is poor. A number of sleep disorders and other medical conditions affect the quality of sleep. Sleeping more won’t alleviate the daytime sleepiness these disorders or conditions cause. However, many of these disorders or conditions can be treated effectively with changes in behaviour or with medical therapies.

Myth 6: You can make up for lost sleep during the week by sleeping more on the weekends

Although this sleeping pattern will help relieve part of a sleep debt, it will not completely make up for the lack of sleep. This pattern also will not make up for impaired performance during the week because of not sleeping enough. Furthermore, sleeping later on the weekends can affect your biological clock so that it is much harder to go to sleep at the right time on Sunday nights and get up early on Monday mornings. To sleep better you really should get these sleep myths out of the way.



Myth 7: Naps are a waste of time

Although naps do not substitute for a good night’s sleep, they can be restorative and help counter some of the impaired performance that results from not getting enough sleep at night. Naps can actually help you learn how to do certain tasks quicker. But avoid taking naps later than 3 p.m., as late naps can interfere with your ability to fall asleep at night. Also, limit your naps to no longer than 1 hour because longer naps will make it harder to wake up and get back in the swing of things. If you take frequent naps during the day, you may have a sleep disorder that should be treated.



Myth 8: Snoring is a normal part of sleep

Snoring during sleep is common, particularly as a person gets older. Evidence is growing that snoring on a regular basis can make you sleepy during the day and more susceptible to diabetes and heart disease. In addition, some studies link frequent snoring to problem behaviour and poorer school achievement in children. Loud, frequent snoring can also be a sign of sleep apnea, a serious sleep disorder that should be treated.



Myth 9: Children who don’t get enough sleep at night will show signs of sleepiness during the day

Unlike adults, children who don’t get enough sleep at night typically become more active than normal during the day. They also show difficulty paying attention and behaving properly. Consequently, they may be misdiagnosed as having attention deficit hyperactivity.



Myth 10: The main cause of insomnia is worry

Although worry or stress can cause a short bout of insomnia, a persistent inability to fall asleep or stay asleep at night can be caused by a number of other factors. Certain medications and sleep disorders can keep you up at night. Other common causes of insomnia are depression, anxiety disorders, and asthma, arthritis, or other medical conditions with symptoms that become more troublesome at night. Some people who have chronic insomnia also appear to be more revved up than normal, so it is harder for them to fall asleep.



"THIS TOPIC IS FOR MY FRIEND WHO SAYS HE SLEEPS ENOUGH. HOPE HE WILL UNDERSTAND NOW WHAT SLEEP MEANS."

A Wise Doctor

"DON'T KILL A CHILD IN WOMB" 

What an interesting way to put it!

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:
'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help!
My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again.
I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady:
'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you, too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.
Then he continued:
'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution. The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.

The crime is the same!

If you agree, please forward.

Together we can help save precious.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Respect love ........!!


 
This is not exactly a love story, but more about learning how to respect love ....

To My Friends Who Are...MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry", not "where are you' but "I'm right here", not "how could you" but "I understand", not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."



To My Friends Who Are...ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.


To My Friends Who Are...NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be


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To My Friends Who Are...HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.


To My Friends Who Are...NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.


To My Friends Who Are...SEARCHING
True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. Love is magic. The more we hide it, the more it shows; the more you suppress it, the more it grows.


To My Friends Who Are...PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say I love if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when what you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall.


To My Friends Who Are...POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.


To My Friends Who Are...AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.


To My Friends Who Are...STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and we just have to let go.


To My Friends Who Are...SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it would come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often times it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is worth it. So take your time and choose the best!



SPECIALLY FOR Hansa & Praful FANS



"DECIDE"
Hansa : Praful "Decide" matlab ?
Praful : "Decide" Hansaaaa-a ... vo Casettee player mein hum casettee nahi dalte usme hota hai na .... "A side" -- "B side" .... to "C-side" ... "D- side"
---> "Decide"

"Mature"
Hansa : Ae Praful, mature matlab ????
praful: jab apna mahesh...chori karte hue pakda gaya tha.. tab usne kya kaha tha ?
hansa: usne kaha tha.. mujhe chodd do.... "MAIN CHOR NAHI HOON"
..main chor .....main chor.....mature. ..acha acha...."




"Alphabet"
hansa: praful alphabet matlab?
praful: alphabet hansa,local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi koi seat khali dekhti hai to wo apni beti alpha se kya kehti hai?
hansa: alpha beth seat pe,alpha beth,
oooooooooooo, acha toh yeh alphabet!!

"Asset"
Hansa : Prafulll "Asset" matlab???
Praful : Asset Hansaaa ....
Jab hum gaadi mein jaate hai and jab gaadi signal par rukti hai ..... taab vo bhikari log aa kar kya bolte hai ...
"Aee Seth... thoda paisa do naa" ... " Aee Sethh .... " ... Asset ..

"Depend"�
Hansa : Yeh Depend kya hota hai Prafful??
Praful : Depend Hansa... wo Swimming Pool mein ek taraf to paani kam gehra hota hai, aur dusri side zyada gehra..... Deep-End.. Depend!

"TOURNAMENT"
HANSA:- ae he he PRAFUL, TOURNAMENT MATLAB??
PRAFUL:- TOURNAMENT HANSA!!! YE JO TUMNE JHUMKE PEHNE HAIN, GEHNE PEHNE HAIN INKO ENGLISH ME KYA KEHTE HAIN, BOLO BOLO!!
HANSA:- AAA HAN HAN TOURNAMENT, (HANSA KHUSH)
MELISA:-(CHIDH KAR) ARE USE TOURNAMENT NAHI ORNAMENT KEHTE HAIN
HANSA:- ARE KUCHH BHI MAT BOLLL
EK JHHUMKA -- ORNAMENT, DO JHHUMKE -- TWO ORNAMENT# #TOURNAMENT
"AE PRAFUL!! YE MELISA KO BHI BABUJI KI TARAH KUCHH BHI NAHI ATAA.." :-D :-D




"elastic"
Hansa: Praful elastic matlab??
Praful: Elastic Hansa..
apni voh Shradha ben unki beti ila ...
usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi??
Hansa : Ila to...
Ila-stick leke ...
Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!






"Automatically"
Hansa: Praful automatically matlab??
Praful: aare Hansa.. agar koi aadmi ganja hota hai tou ussko kya bolte hain...
Hansa: taklaa..
Praful: aur agar koi ladki ganji ho to ussko kya bolenge....
Hansa: takli..
Praful: aur wohi ladki agar auto mein baith kar kahin ghoomne jaye tou ussko kya bologi??
Hansa : auto mein takli, aare haan automatically! Tum kitne samajhdaar ho Praful...






ALBERT EINSTEIN AND HIS INCIDENTS


Some interesting and revealing incidents from the life of Albert Einstein, who was recently honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century.

One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.

Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there." When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognise him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein's home. The driver said "Who does not know Einstein's address? Everyone in Princeton knows.Do you want to meet him?. Einstein replied "I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? "The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'

Desi Adda



Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha.

Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha.

Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?


Pujaari ne peechha chhudane ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada".
Sharabi bola "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada"

Pujari: "Dharti badi"

Sharabi: "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"

Pujari" "Sheshnaag bada"

Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada"

Pujari: "Shiv bada"

Sharabi: "Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada"

Pujari: "Parbat bada"

Sharabi: "Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"

Pujari: "Hanuman bada"

Sharabi: "Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada"

Pujari: "Ram bada"

Sharabi: "Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada"

Pujari: "arey mere baap TU Bata kaun bada"


Sharabi: "Is duniya me woh bada, Jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada."

WORLD ACCORDING TO INDIA

THIS IS A INDIMAPIA:



















*CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Prove That.




2 / 10 = 2
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Art student : Out of syllabus
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Engineering Student : Question hi galat hai
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Medical student : its strange yaar, ye kaise ho sakta hai?
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.. CA Student : it is very easy




TWO / TEN



T-T get Cancelled



=WO / EN Refer Alphabets



(W=23rd letter, O=15th letter, E=5th letter & N=14th letter)
=23+15 / 5+14
=38 / 19
=2



Chartered Accountants never ask, "Ans kya hai?"

They only ask, "Answer kya chahiye?"

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .



Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?


Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??


Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.


Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.


Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!


Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??


New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?


Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???


TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself ...

Application Form For "Lok Sabha Election

 1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________


2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________

3.Political Party: ____________ _________
*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)


4.Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- Mayawati
D- Uma Bharathi

5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above

7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs

9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years

11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow...
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No

14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]

Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

ENDHIRAN MIOVIE LAST DAY SHOOTING

THIS IS SPECIALLY FOR ALL RAJINI FANS LIKE ME. WHO ARE EAGERLY WAITING FOR HIS MOVIE ENDHIRAN TO RELEASE...

JUST LOOK AT CLOSING CEREMONY PIX.
(click on d image to enlarge)








Lateral Thinking Exercises


For many of you, if you are thinking what is lateral thinking, well it is a way in which you try to look at the problem from many angles instead of tackling it head-on. Here are few problems, Goa ahead and solve them…


1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it’s raining! Why?
(This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying.)

2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, “I can’t operate on this boy, he is my son! ” How can this be?

3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, coat, gloves and ski mask. He is walking down a back street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?

4. One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How?

5. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

6. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

7. A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and all looked as they did at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?

8. A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

9. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says ‘Thank you’ and walks out. This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.

10. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

11. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

12. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

13. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

14. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? (or day names in any other language)

15. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.